Hi everyone,

It's been a long and busy day but I'm fairly satisfied with my efforts and the compromises made.  I'm also satisfied with my discussion with the school board this evening and I hope that I've explained the cost comparisons and benefits adequately.  I prepared a one page spreadsheet with a one year, 20 year and 30 year comparison between the two options they are questioning and some key considerations and I hope that they will seriously consider the big budget item I've requested.  I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Where do you want to be, what do you want to do, and how do you want to feel when you’re there?

These questions are actually complicated and intricately tied together.  Where you want to be depends on what you want to do and vice versa.  I divide my life into two sections for long term and short term planning.  Career and personal.  I divide my personal life into sub-categories: home, hobbies, health, financial, etc.  I set short term (1 year goals) and long term (3-5 year goals.)  I'm a list maker and I'm very organized and this is the way I think things through, make decisions, plan, take action, and then review/revise once a year.  I'm pretty good a sticking to a long term plan with the hope of delayed gratification.  For my purposes here I'm only going to look at my health even though I'm aware that these other areas also impact my health, what I'm doing and how I'm feeling.

Where do I want to be?  More than anything I want to be completely healthy.  There are things that I can do to influence how healthy I am.  I want to meet the nutritional needs of my body.  I believe that means eating a healthy variety of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, healthy fats, protein, dairy; drinking adequate amounts of fluid including water; and taking a good multi-vitamin for a woman my age.  It also means eating appropriate quantities of these each day, once again for a woman my age.  and I believe that all of these should be as high quality as I can obtain (and afford.)  I like to grow my own ingredients or buy from local farmers at the farmers market because that way I do know what quality I'm getting.  I like to cook for myself and avoid processed foods as much as possible because once again I know what ingredients have gone into it and the quality is so much higher.  I would really like to start buying local meat and poultry that is antibiotic free and has been raised in a small, healthy environment.  I'm not a fan of factory farms and would rather pay more and eat less meat.  So eating healthy is one important foundation step to being healthy.  Another is getting enough sleep.  I've frequently posted links on the benefits of sleep and how it is tied to overeating and overweight so I'm not going to go into it again other than to say it is IMPORTANT and I need enough sleep to stay healthy and on top of my plan.  It's also a warning sign that I am overwhelmed and heading for a fall when I start missing my bedtime deadline.  I need to exercise.  If I don't keep working at being active and staying active my endurance and flexibility and mobility and balance will all be adversely affected.  The more that I do the healthier I am.  Walking is a great overall exercise, weight training (which I had to miss tonight) is another, YOGA for strength and flexibility, Aquafit for aerobic (and just plain fun), Zumba (aerobic and more fun), biking, golf.  I have the means and I want to build a strong, fit, flexible, healthy body that will work well for many, many years to come.  I put down a goal weight but I don't actually "know" what the goal should be.  I took a wild guess based on BMI and the fact that I used to weigh 110 when I was much, much younger.  I'm going to go by how I look and how I feel and whether I can comfortably maintain that weight because I do not want a number on the scale to rule the rest of my life. 

What do I want to do?  I want to be able to do anything that I want to do.  I want to be healthy and fit enough to be able to take good care of my house and yard, to be able to garden, to be able to do any kind of physical activity (dance, exercise, climb the Mayan ruins, hike, go zip lining, go on rides at the fair, ride a horse, bike, swim, sky dive... and I'm not kidding.)  I want to travel and go on walking tours in major cities and tourist attractions around the world.  I don't want to be too feeble physically or too overweight to be able to keep up or participate.  I want to feel attractive and good about my appearance so that I can dress and go and not spend countless hours worrying about what I'll wear, how I'll look, or whether I can fit into a social situation.  I want to feel comfortable going to a spa and having a massage.  Honestly I wouldn't go for a massage or a pedicure because I'm just so fat I'd be embarrassed.  (Mind you I felt that way about being seen in a bathing suit not so long ago so maybe I could go for a pedicure but forget the massage.)  I'd like to be able to buy any clothes, shoes, boots, jewellery that I wanted.  Right now I'm mostly wearing an 18 and some 16s and that is pretty big for Petite sizes and since I'm only 5'3" I definitely need a Petite.  I need to be at least a small 14 to shop in most Petite shops and size 14 is still considered a size for overweight women.  Realistically I'd need to be in single digit sizes to meet my goal.  I need to be around 160 to wear high boots because my calves are too big for boots right now.  I gain weight everywhere not just around the middle.  I'm too big for delicate jewellery which gets lost around my large neck and fat fingers.  So yes, I want to be able to do ANYTHING that I want but I do have some specific goals and the next up on my list is making those classes at the Rec Center my new exercise routine, really riding my bike this summer, and going on amusement rides.

How do I want to feel?  FREE.  Free from all the limitations that my fat barrier has imposed.  Free from exhaustion, free from embarrassment over my appearance, free from the compromises that this fat body and mind have forced on me, and especially I want to feel FREE from self-hatred.  I want to feel CONFIDENT, I want to believe in myself, trust myself, love myself, and LIVE the rest of my life happily and at peace with myself.   I have spent the majority of my life in a prison of my own making and a big part of that was the mental prison with walls made from the negative, self-hating, and self-destructive thoughts I've had about myself.  I want to live FREE from all that.  Wow, I should obviously be doing something about what is going on inside my head because my three main foundations of food, sleep and exercise are not going to free me from the prison in my head.

Sorry friends.  Once again I've used up my entire evening thinking through my own personal journey and not offering any support.  Tomorrow I will definitely try to do better. 

Hello to everyone.  Personals tomorrow.  Have a great evening everyone.  Try answering those questions.  You might be as surprised as I was to find out where you need to work next.


We CAN do this!

Cheryl

"No matter how long you have traveled in the wrong direction, you always have the choice to turn around. ~ Anonymous

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